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EMOTIONS: Energy In Motion; The Emotional Journey ‘Through’ Suffering and into Joy.
The inspiration for this topic comes in response to the myriad of conversations that I have had with people in my practice. Time and time again I find people asking, “Why am I suffering? Why do I have these painful emotions? How can I get rid of them? Why can’t I just experience peace and joy? ”
When faced with this question, I am reminded of Byron Katie’s statement that “suffering is optional.” Suffering is the by-product of what we think, the judgments we hold about ourselves and others and the negative feelings that arise out of these situations. Often these negative emotions translate into dis-ease in the physical body as well as a chronic separation from our intrinsic sense of well being, aliveness and connection. People attribute their suffering to the “bad feelings” and often do personal work because their emotions and their physical bodies are letting them know that they are not feeling well. People commonly battle with emotions such as sadness, grief, anger, fear, anxiety, rage, guilt and shame. Once they are in the workshop or consultation session, they hope that the emotions will leave, get better or end and then their suffering would automatically end as well.
What most people don’t realize is that the emotions themselves are not the problem. They are simply indicators that something else is going on in your life that is causing you to suffer. The path to healing and joy is simply this; we must feel, listen, embrace and release our painful emotions in order to attain the wisdom they hold inside us and open to the joy that is created once the energy of the emotion gets in motion. A simple statement but how does one do this?
The first crucial piece is to identify and start making friends with your emotions. This does not mean you have to love your sadness, your rage or your depression. What it does mean is that you need to know what you are feeling in order to feel it, so you can start listening to it and then identify where it lies in your body so that you can hear the message it is giving you about the things in your life that need to change.
The answers lie not in your mind, but in your emotions and body. By feeling and voicing them together you naturally discharge blocked or stagnant energy, resistance loosens up and so does the fear that kept you stuck. The point is that you can more easily flow and feel better overall which will improve your mental, emotional, physical, spiritual, energetic, and psychic state and quickly maneuver debilitation out of your life.
For many this may seem a tremendous leap in and of itself. For a culture, that places so much importance on thinking, cognition and learning, there is a vast gap in our education on emotions. Many of us have a limited vocabulary for our emotional experiences and may be unaware of even our five major feelings. These are: Fear, Anger, Sadness, Hurt and Shame. During the day we move through hundreds of shades of feelings yet, at their root, they usually connect back to these five. The root lies beneath the experience or judgment you have about someone or something. Identifying the root is to go beyond the suffering thought or behavior and connect with the cause and origin of the patterns. This gets your ENERGY in motion and subsequently your emotions in motion.
Take a moment to think about which feeling you most connect with during the day? What is your default emotion? This is the emotion that you tend to go to first when things in your life are not going the way you want. For example, some people react to change with FEAR and so they commonly feel anxiety or a gnawing sense of nervousness. Others, react to charged situations with anger, these are the people who we describe as having a “short fuse” or “quick to blow.” You may also know people in your lives that tend to feel down a lot of the time; they may describe themselves as “low energy” or “feeling blue.”
Now that you know what you do, the question becomes how do you get from these emotions to the positive end of the emotional spectrum? What is the road from grief, sadness, anger, fear, shame, guilt, and loneliness to JOY, Happiness and Love? See this as a ROAD and not a STEP. I emphasize that because many of us want a quick fix. It is understandable. No one wants to be in pain or to suffer and we all want to feel better and as soon as possible. But we can’t put a band aid on deeply held emotions and expect them to get better. We have to work each day to step and stretch into aliveness by emoting, using emotion as energy in motion.
Babies are really good at this. They feel things acutely, like hunger, needing to be changed, needing to be touched and when they have these experiences they cry to both share their emotions and also to release them. Did you know that babies need to cry for at least ten minutes a day, for no other reason, then just to release energy? What would your life be like if you had a chance everyday to just have a good cry? Or took the opportunity to scream into a pillow? Or beat a punching bag? Just for a few minutes a day, so that the emotions you were feeling, didn’t get stuck in your body, but released and moved out of your body so that you can live in your body and your life with grace and ease.
Now, I know as adults, crying or yelling into a pillow or beating a bag doesn’t seem like something fun to do or maybe you grew up in a family that was unemotional and expression was taboo. For me personally, I grew up with both – the Italian part of my family was very explosive and aggressive and expressive. The Irish side of my family was repressive, silent, withdrawn and isolating. One side geared toward the mother of all reactivity and the other geared toward the father of repression and the mechanism to deal with repression was addiction. So both these examples of my emotional life were extreme, from repression to aggression or aggression to repression depending on the day.
Many of us feel the emotions and we don’t know how to give ourselves the opportunity to release or get those emotions in motion. Instead, we stuff our feelings way deep down in our unconscious, or use food, alcohol, drugs, spending, shopping, sugar, caffeine and more thereby holding those feelings hostage in our bodies. We are left with aches and pains, tension, stress and addictions and we go to the doctor and take prescription medications that generally target the symptom and not the problem. The TV we turn on for hours on end, the extra dessert we eat even though it isn’t good for us, the times we sleep in till noon and we keep talking about the pain in our neck or back, but we don’t deal with the emotions related to our neck or back pain. I have had tremendous success with clients who I simply ask, “if your neck or back could speak what would they say” or “Who comes to mind when you feel the pain in your neck and back?” Once the dialogue begins from the body the emotions have a portal out of the body and the body can go back to healing, flowing, and awakening, releasing and creating.
Sometimes people in my workshops hesitate to punch a bag or beat up a pillow, because they do not want to hurt another person and get their rage out against another. What I always say is that it is much better to release all you feel, in a healthy way, on a punching bag or through running or at the gym, then to inadvertently have it come out in negative energy and anger towards another person, or even in negative thoughts that beat up on yourself. Damage and harm to yourself or another is a red flag for how much emotion is stuck inside you needing expression. There is no excuse for abuse. No matter what you are feeling or what the situation is, if you abuse emotionally, mentally, spiritually or physically – you have seriously avoided dealing with your emotions and rather than energy in motion you are an attack in action. EMOTIONS are ENERGY and stuck energy that is not released only creates more unwanted symptoms of dis-ease and emotional imbalance. The only way to health, aliveness and to FEELINGS OF JOY AND HAPPINESS is moving THROUGH not around our emotions.
We move through our emotions in all the ways that I have described thus far: by finding a way to make a connection with the feelings in our body and using action, movement and vocalization to release the energy. This can involve crying, yelling, dancing, body work, breath-work, going to the gym, journaling, painting or simply allowing a time when we connect with and share our emotions in relationship with another. With even five minutes of undivided attention, we allow the opportunity for the pain to give way to tears, to release, to relief and then joy, happiness and love. Once the shut down energy has moved out of your mind and body, you have the space and clarity inside from which to consciously make decisions and choose different interactions in your relationships and life.
Your emotions are the colors in the canvas of our lives. They add depth and warmth, and aliveness to our daily routine. Without them, our lives would be colorless and dull. Yet, with them out of control, unchecked and un-spoken, we can be caught in a downward spiral that leaves us feeling miserable, isolated, alone and suffering. We then become that which we strongly dislike. Becoming friends with your emotions and moving their energy is the key to living a life of sustained joy and happiness with a sense of deep peace and restfulness inside yourself.
Remember you are not alone. We are all emotional beings and reconnecting with our emotional intelligence is a gift to ourselves and to the world. There are many guides, teachers and souls here to help you on the journey to JOY and radical aliveness! Remember you are a magnificent being, full of love and light. Your best days are ahead of you and living as the best you is right out in front of you. Don’t let any situation, person, or feeling get you too down or too stuck to emote – raise your awareness, use what you read here today and get your energy in motion. Shine like the divine spark you were made of and live the way your soul aspires you to be.
Live life with joyous abandon and free your soul, doing all you love. Live the life you love by choosing to create how you want it to be or feel and what and who you want it to consist of. You have much more of you to unleash on the world. Get your energy in Motion and EMOTE. Allow the fullest and freest expression of who you are. You are on a journey that takes your Best Self and all the BIG DREAMS you have and turns them into Reality — with every step lived in truth, integrity, and love. Take the leap of faith on you to Live your Best Life!